Remember this blog? Barely. But it was the first one I actually kept regularly. Too bad I just up and deleted most of the old entries. I’m just not there anymore. Not that I’m ashamed of my past or anything, I just don’t feel they have a home here any longer. Though there’s also no point in deleting the blog altogether. shapelessflame has always been ME. It’s a line from one of my favorite poems by John Donne “Air and Angels.”
Twice or thrice had I lov’d thee,
Before I knew thy face or name;
So in a voice, so in a shapeless flame
Angels affect us oft, and worshipp’d be;
Still when, to where thou wert, I came,
Some lovely glorious nothing I did see.
But since my soul, whose child love is,
Takes limbs of flesh, and else could nothing do,
More subtle than the parent is
Love must not be, but take a body too;
And therefore what thou wert, and who,
I bid Love ask, and now
That it assume thy body, I allow,
And fix itself in thy lip, eye, and brow.
Whilst thus to ballast love I thought,
And so more steadily to have gone,
With wares which would sink admiration,
I saw I had love’s pinnace overfraught;
Ev’ry thy hair for love to work upon
Is much too much, some fitter must be sought;
For, nor in nothing, nor in things
Extreme, and scatt’ring bright, can love inhere;
Then, as an angel, face, and wings
Of air, not pure as it, yet pure, doth wear,
So thy love may be my love’s sphere;
Just such disparity
As is ‘twixt air and angels’ purity,
‘Twixt women’s love, and men’s, will ever be.
It’s Donne’s favored thematic device of religious, sensual, and perception is something I have always found pretty stimulating in the arts and literature. Love as religion, forbidden desires, nuns giving BJs…you know, that kinda stuff (also why I would consider “Songs of Faith and Devotion” my favorite Depeche Mode album. But, I digress.) I choose “shapelessflame” particularly because while it represents a flaming desire, a fire, it also suggests something undefinable. Some wiggle room for interpreting things as you see fit…whomever you are. It applies to art and love. Two things I find myself pretty motivated by on a daily basis.
I was selling vintage and a bit of my art on Etsy successfully for a couple years. I had modest, steady sales. I enjoyed it, frankly, but thanks to fees and just general lack of time to dedicate to it (that shit takes a long damn time), I gave it up. And, really, if we’re being honest here, there’s some attachments to the name “Weird Life” that I came up for my shop revamp. It was always shapelessflame. I changed it when I decided I wanted to start a collaborative effort with one of my friends at the time. Too bad her idea of collaboration ending up being trying to run off with my husband. I kept it running after our falling out, but I’m done with it now. I need to shut down the energy surrounding that name and that shop and that time for myself. Door closed. Bye. Not looking back.
I’ve been super creative lately…
I finally feel consistent in that realm, but I’m still working on being content with it. I am working on creating for the sake of it. For the therapy. Trying not to stress (too much).
Life is good these days. I mean, it has its ups and downs. A lot of downs it seems, but if I take an honest stock of where I am right now, it’s pretty good. It’s life. It’s beautiful and fucked up all at the same time. Right?
I am going to keep this blog to show some art and to speak my mind. I don’t really have much more direction than that. But I’m gonna sign off for now. My kid is kicking my foot and it’s seriously getting on my nerves…and I need a glass of wine. x