Developing the shadows.

Been on a deep dive lately. Have come to tarot very seriously as a tool to explore my psyche…especially the parts I am not super comfortable with. I’ve been into witchcraft and fringe expression since I was an ill-adjusted teenager. I know that’s not entirely abnormal, particularly for someone in my 30-something demographic. Regardless, it has always had a pull. At that time, I realize in retrospect, I was using it not only as a means to bond on a deeper level with my best friend, but to also escape the massive trauma I was experiencing through most of my pre-teen/teen years. It was a form of strength, power, and internal fire that had been so dimmed and snuffed by my environment and circumstances. I felt like I held the power to make shit happen. Of course, I had watched The Craft a whole bunch, so it was a naive power—but a power nonetheless. It was an outlet.

I wasn’t good at sports. I wanted to be, but I just fucking wasn’t. My family couldn’t afford most things and I couldn’t attend regular practices because I was playing mother to my severely autistic, non-verbal older brother after school while both my parents worked. The two of us would fight because neither of us were equipped to communicate properly. It’s a wonder no one got physically hurt, honestly. When I was 14, my sister died of colon cancer. My brother was in federal prison for things that, later, none of the family could even begin to wrap our heads around (we all came out on the other side of that, but at the time it was yet another log on the fire of my adolescence). My dad was a horrible alcoholic and my parents had succumb to infidelity and abuse.

Magic saved me then and it’s saving me now.

Magic saved me then and it’s saving me now.

As the current state of the union shines a light on the darkness that has always been festering beneath the surface, and exposes what some of us have known about humanity and the capacity for darkness for our entire lives, magic feels like another way to escape again. But it’s different this time, at least for me…

It’s forcing me inward. It’s forcing me to shine that light into the corners of my dirty, not-so-ideal patterns and default behavior. It’s giving me a strength (and that’s the card I keep drawing with almost every personal tarot spread I do lately) to persevere. To continue wading my way through the shit just like I always have. And to make me more connected to a world that I once thought only existed as hostile. It’s not all hostile. It’s starts inside. It starts when you harnass your shadows and recognize they are inside everyone.

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The Consumption!

I thought it might be cool to start perhaps a weekly / bi- weekly / monthly?? (dunno, still sussing this out) blog post about the books I’m reading, podcasts I’m listening to, music I’m obsessing over, etc. (you get the idea).

I have been doing a lot of podcast-listening these days. Perhaps it’s an escapist thing given the current fuckery of the world. Not perhaps. That’s definitely it. Especially given the nature of the media I am consuming on the daily. Aliens. Bigfoot. Skinwalkers. Werewolves. Witchcraft. Mothman. GIMME ALL THE CRYPTO.

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Example: A handsewn Mothman patch I sent to my friend Angela

Current podcasts in heavy rotation:

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I love this misfit podcast. Jessica Chobot and Andrew Bowser highjack a corner of Nerdist studios and talk about weird shit, current events, bodily functions, and Junior Mints. They are at times irreverent and aimless, but I don’t mean that in a negative way. It’s refreshing to hear people sit around and bullshit about subjects that some people take far too seriously. It reminds me of my friends and I in high school and college lounging around and discussing theories and possibilities of the universe.

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Recent obsession

The above, Astonishing Legends, I have been binging for the past week. They just wrapped up a four-part series about the Mothman. They also introduced me to the stories of Skinwalker Ranch. I am really surprised I had never heard of this place and the lore surrounding it, but I am now on a mission to read all the books referenced throughout the episodes about it. Speaking of books, this podcast is really great at sprinkling in really great reading suggestions for all-things-weird-obsessed folks like myself. Do check them out. I am also planning to start donating to their Patreon page which can be found here.

Current books I have lined up are in the same ilk as the above mentioned content (all of which I bought recently at a book sale to benefit the Mt. Wood Cemetery in Wheeling, WV).

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Mt. Wood Cemetery photo from Facebook event page

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Love Stephen King and this is a classic I didn’t have. Finally gonna get to read The Mist!

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Alien abduction. Need I say more?

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My friend Matt spotted this one. This is the real deal, y’all. (see below)

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Just in case…

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Thank god. I’ve always wondered.

Cool. This was fun!